Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
