Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
