Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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