Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
