i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
