I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
did i just pee glitter
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
