someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
