ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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