as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
