I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize