one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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