fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
