god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
