If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I love you. Go after that dick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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