I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
