Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
