normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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