I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
