Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
