I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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