they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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