I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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