No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
