it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
