i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize