They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
