Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
