i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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