She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
