I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
