I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
