I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
