Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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