nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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