Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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