hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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