So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
