There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize