This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
