You're my little dorito
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
