I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
