Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
