Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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