Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My penis needs a shock collar
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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