1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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