he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
