Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
