Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He passed out mid-signature
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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