go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
