If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
