We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
