If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
