my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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