I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
