Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
