That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
