**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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