My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
