just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
