Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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