Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
