i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
