somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My cat gives me a boner
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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