Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
