did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
