Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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