Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
