i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
