Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
