Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
