dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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