Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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