just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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