thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girls should come with a carfax report
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
