what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
