The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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