Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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