i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
