It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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