I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
