Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
