my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize