They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
