Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
