I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
