As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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