come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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