i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
