Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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