Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
