I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
