there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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