I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
